[TaJaDoru]

PART TWO: The Dreams and Nightmares

It'd been five years since I'd left James and moved to LA, changing my name from Natalie to Melinda, but that didn't matter now. I hadn't let any one else in like I had let him in, and I knew that I had to let him know that I was safe, so I did the one thing that I could think of.

James,

I want to see you. Can you meet me at the Corner of 156th and Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles this Thursday? I need to see you, and I need to talk to you. There’s something that you need to know.

Love, Natty.

I sent the letter, and I knew that he'd jump at the chance to be with me again. I smiled, hoping that he would come out. I really did have something that I wanted to tell him, and I hoped that he'd be a bit surprised. I knew that I was when I found out, and I know that in his heart he can love this as much as I do.

I got off work early, and I drove out to the Daycare, and I smiled as I saw her. About five years old, blonde hair like mine, and silver eyes like James, Coraline Amanda Rose, my daughter, smiled and ran over to me.

"Mama!" she giggled, jumping up.

"Hey, Corrie," I said, smiling and kissing her cheek. "How’s Mama's girl?"

When Corrie would smile at me, I knew that she'd grow up to be just like James, something that I prayed everyday for.

"I’m good, Mama. Ms. Jackson let me play Dress-up!" she giggled. She moved around onto my neck, something that I didn't mind, and she kissed my cheek.

"Really? I bet that you looked oh-so pretty," I said. We walked out to the car, and I put her in the car seat. I kissed her forehead, and I smiled at her. "You my big girl?"

"Yeah, Mama. I am," she said. "Mama, can I ask a quessy?"

She called questions quessies, but that was because I was still teaching her. I looked at her in the mirror, and I nodded. I didn't know that her question would hit me like it did, though.

"Sure, cutie," I said. I wish that I had been prepared for it.

"Where’s Daddy?" she asked, looking at me in the cute way that she did when she would tilt her head and close her eyes a bit.

I sat in the front seat, and I felt the tears fall down my face. I wish that she had have asked where babies come from instead, because I didn't know how to answer her.

"Well, sweetie...Daddy isn't here. I told you about the things that happened to me a long time ago before you were born, and I left Daddy where I grew up. Daddy had other things that he had to do, and I didn't want him getting hurt because of me," I said. "I didn't tell him about you yet..."

I wiped my eyes, and I waited for a blowup, something along the lines of her yelling and telling me that she hated me. I wasn't expecting this.

"Oh...why didn't you let Daddy stay?" she asked.

"I told you, baby...I left before I found out that I was pregnant with you, and I realized at work today helping the people that I had to tell him about you, so I sent him an email. I asked him to meet us this week at the Cafe," I said.

She was sharp, something that I was glad that she got from him. She seemed to take a lot from James, and that was something that I hoped would carry on into her adult life. I pulled out of the parking lot at the Daycare, and I started the twelve mile drive home, thinking the entire way. When I pulled into the driveway at the house, I helped her out of the car and she kissed my cheek.

"I didn't mean to upset Mama if I did," she whispered.

"You didn't sweetie," I said. "Go put your play clothes on, and come out into the backyard with Mama."

"Ok," she said, jumping down and running into her room.

I collapsed into my chair in the dining room, getting a Pepsi and drinking most of it in one gulp. In my heart I knew that James would be a little upset at me for not telling him about Corrie, but I didn't want to tear him away from anything that was important to him back in Thunder Hills. It had been a long five years since losing Corrie, my best friend. I had realized that I took a lot for granted, and I hoped that someday I could make it up to her.

I went into my room upstairs, and I changed into a pair of silver shorts and a pink tank, walking downstairs and into the backyard. I sat on the lounger that I had by the pool, but seeing that the weather was turning colder, I didn't have the pool filled, but it wasn't cold enough to have jackets, so lounging in the chair with Corrie was something that I loved doing.

"Mama!" Corrie giggled, walking out to me. She was walking funny, but that was when I saw the problem: her pink shirt was on inside out and backwards, and her iCarly shoes were on the wrong feet. "Help."

I went over and picked her up, and I smiled. "Silly, girl," I said. "Come on. Let Mama help you." I got her clothes situated on her, and I smiled. "There. All better and still so pretty." She snuggled in close, and I knew that she was getting ready for a nap.

"I loves you, Mama," she said, a yawn punctuating the words. She was asleep almost instantly, and when I saw her torso moving in a steady rhythm,Â****Â****I smiled.

"I love you, too, Corrie," I said. I felt my own breathing slide into a steady rhythm, and I was asleep almost as instantly.

It was what came next that changed my life again. I was running, running, always running, and I looked around, seeing nothing but the pitch-black that was surrounding me. I felt like I was on fire, and my lungs were screaming for air. I heard laughing, and I looked up, seeing a face that I hadn't seen in five years. Adam had James in one hand, Corrie in the other. He dropped them both, and I lunged for Corrie.

"I'm sorry, James," I said, not knowing if he would hear me. I screamed, grabbing Corrie out of the air as James hit the ground, and I knew from the sound that his body made on the ground that he was dead. I shielded Corrie, and I felt the scream tear through my throat as fire hit me in a thousand places.

"Mama!?!?" Corrie yelled. I could feel her shaking me, and I knew that I was still sleeping.

I gasped, sitting straight up in the lounger, my arms going around Corrie protectively. I looked around, my breathing heavy as I scanned, all of my senses on higher alert then ever before. Corrie tapped my nose, and I looked at her.

"Mama?" she whispered, scared.

"I’m alright, baby. I had a bad dream, that's all. Mama had a scary," I said. I knew that it was more then that, but I didn't want to push anything.

Adam was dead, but was that dream all that it was, or was there something hidden in it? I didn’t want to worry James or Corrie, so I did the one thing that I could. I put Corrie to bed, and I called Demetria. She didn’t answer the phone for a few minutes, but when I heard her, she sounded like she was out of breath.

“Dee? Can I talk to you?� I asked, a bit wary at what I was hearing on the other end of the line. When I heard her breathing pick up, I realized a little too late what was happening to her on the other end of the line, and I felt my face, neck, and upper torso get red with embarrassment.

“Oh, god….wait, stop….hang on…..ooh….damn, David….I said wait…..shit…..� Demetrias voice said, her voice and tone punctuated with not just ecstasy, but also with the desire that it sounded like she hadn’t had in a long time. �Mel….hi….can I call you back in a while? Oh…..fu-….I’ll call you back….� As she hung up the phone, I found myself shaking some.

“Yuck,� I groaned, reaching into the cabinet and getting the bottle of Vodka that I kept there for occasions such as that. I realized then that it had been over five years since I met James that night in the club. I set my phone down and put the bottle back in the cabinet, and I reached for my phone again. I dialed a number that I hadn’t dialed in a long time. “James?�

When he picked up, I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, and I did, but I didn’t want to start anything that I couldn’t finish over the phone with him. I missed him….and I wish that I had him with me at that moment because of how scared I was.

�Natty? James’ voice, uncertainty running in his voice, said. I could tell just from his tone that he was as nervous about this as I was, and I wanted to tell him the truth.

“Yeah…it’s me,� I said, sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen. “James…I need to see you. Now. I can’t keep this from you anymore….there’s something that you need to know.�

“Alright, Natalie. I’ll be there as soon as I can,� James said. I didn’t want him coming here. I’d lose him if that happened. I was planning on cutting that off as soon as I could.

“No. I’ll come to you. Can you meet me somewhere familiar for us both?� I asked, my voice shaking as I hoped he knew where I meant.

“The house. I’ll be there in an hour. Natalie….you’re not hiding anything on me, are you?� he asked me, and I knew that I was busted.

“Yeah…but you’re going to love her anyway,� I said. “I’ll tell you more later. I’ll see you soon.� I hung up before he had a chance to say anything, and I sighed. “Fuck….this isn’t the way that I wanted him to meet Corrie….�
__________________________________________________ __

James, meanwhile, had gotten up from his bed, the woman next to him moaning as she turned and tried to pull him down. He looked at the ring on his finger, and he set it on the pillow, writing a note that said that he was sorry and that he needed to leave for something bigger then his marriage to her. It was rocky, away, the two of them always fighting and him having been in the hospital for all work-related stuff.

He packed his bag, and he started towards his car, getting in and speeding off towards Natalie and the house that his sister, Corrie, owned at one time before her death five years before, hoping to once more find Natalie and have the girl that he loves back in his life. His marriage was over, and he didn’t want to stay in it when all she did was get drunk and destroy things before she’d pass out on the bed at night. As James pulled into the driveway at Corries house, he sat on the front steps, shaking his head.
__________________________________________________ __

As I pulled out of my driveway and started out towards Thunder Hills again, Corrie was sitting in the backseat with her head on her Power Rangers pillow and curled up sleeping. I was envious of her being able to sleep no matter the situation, and I wished that I was five years old again before I remembered what happened to me then. I shook my head as I pulled into the driveway of Corrie’s house about two hours later, an hour later then when I promised James, but I knew that he’d understand. I recognized him instantly, sitting on the steps and listening to his iPod, a song playing that he was mouthing the words along to perfectly. From my distance, I could see it: watchin' you walk away and never knowin’, what could have been….

I got out of the car, Corrie in my arms as she groaned awake. “Mama? Where are we know?� she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes that had accumulated over the course of the drive.

“This is where Mama stayed when things would happen to her in the past, baby girl,� I said, running my hand in her hair and kissing her cheek. “This used to be my friend Corrie’s house, the same girl that you’re named after. We’re here to see an old friend of Mama’s.�

“Is it Daddy?� she asked, nuzzling against me and closing her eyes. She knew why we were there, even at two in the morning. I sighed as I ran my hand along her back, smiling a little.

“Yeah, honey…it is,� I whispered, looking over at James who had started toward us from the step, stowing his iPod back into his pocket.

“Natty,� he whispered, walking forward and putting his hand on my cheek as if he was trying to see if I was really there or if I was an illusion to him.

“James,� I whispered, leaning into his hand and pulling myself closer to him, wrapping my free arm around him and hugging him again. I clung to him for what felt like an eternity, and when I pulled back, I could see the confusion in his eyes as he looked at my…our…daughter. “James, my love….this is one of the reasons that I wanted to see you. I want you to meet Coraline Amanda Jones, or as me and all of her friends call her, Corrie. I named her after your sister.�

“Hi, Corrie,� James said, smiling at the little girl. His eyes went wide as he saw her eyes, the exact same shade of silver as his, and he looked at me. “Natty….is this--?�

I nodded, and Corrie reached out for him. He took her supported her weight, letting her wrap her arms around his neck. She smiled as she looked at him, poking at his face in silent wonder, and I held in the giggle that was threatening me.

“James…meet your daughter,� I said, smiling at James and Corrie. “Can we go in? I’ll explain in there so that we’re not standing on the street at two in the morning trying to explain about what happened to me after I left five years ago. Please?�

James nodded, and he made sure that Corrie was secure in his arms when he opened the door, leading us back into the house that housed so many memories, a few that were more painful the rest, especially after the last time that I was there because of Adam.